Life Lessons

Today was a day for thinking about life lessons. I attended the high school graduation of Linda. She is the last of our group to finish high school. This time, since I wasn't thinking ahead to the giving of the diplomas, I was able to listen to each speech, and they were not bad. Then I came home and read the paper. Our local paper, the Cleveland Plain Dealer, had re-published columnist Regina Brett's 50 life lessons. They are all worth considering:

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Thoughts on a Marriage

When I was young, I wondered about marriage. The thought occurred to me that once you make that decision, you are planning to be with that person the rest of your life. It was an overwhelming prospect to me. I am someone who needs alone time and when I spend too much time with anyone in close proximity, I feel - well - overwhelmed.

But I made that decision in 1985, and I have had no regrets.

What is amusing to me lately is how two people with different temperaments can successfully live together.

D is very calm. He ended one of his famous humorous newsletters with "what me, worry?" and I thought yep that's him. I, on the other hand, worry about everything. If anything can possibly go wrong, I've envisioned it in my head. That old anxiety gets worse as I get older. I used to think I would get calmer as I aged, but the opposite seems to be true.

I am also a person who tends to rush through things, including, sadly, life in general. While I don't plan to view life this way, it's like there's never enough time for me.

In the past few years, I've discovered that gardening can slow me down. I can putter around and it's ok. But there's still that part of me that's urging me to come on, hurry up, get this done.

And maybe this whole gardening thing is a way to look at our life together.

My brother owns a flower and vegetable seed company. He asked me what kind of seeds I wanted and I told him pole beans. I knew nothing about pole beans. I did a little internet research and learned they grow tall and need something tall like a pole (hence the name, I guess), for the plant to wind itself around. So I got my seeds in the mail. There were no instructions, because my brother's company sends to professional growers (I do not fit into that category). So after waiting weeks to find a guy who would actually show up to rototill the garden (another topic for another day), we were ready to plant. I was ready to just dig in the garden and plant the seeds. D, on the other hand, had to approach this in his slow, methodical way. He got on the internet and told me there was conflicting information. Some sites said the beans need sun; some said the beans need shade. He was standing there telling me about this dilemma and I just said "plant the damn things already." And thinking about our exchange later, with a smile, I realized how different our temperaments are.

The other night at dinner we decided to go to a nursery to get a few more vegetable plants. We weren't sure when the nursery closed, but we guessed 8:00. So after dinner, I was ready, but D was doing his usual "stuff." My son describes it as "dad's gotta do his rituals." He has to find his eyedrops, which is usually a 5 minute search. Then his wallet. Then he always tends to find a million things to do when it's time to leave. So this night, D started his rituals. It fills me with anxiety to wait for him, so I sat down at the computer to kill some time. Time went by. I waited. Finally at 7:35, I said "uh, I think we need to get moving" and he said "I've been waiting for you!" and I said "I've been waiting for you!" And if I could count how many times we have exchanged these very words, it would be a very large number.

We arrived at the nursery at 7:55. There were only 2 cars in the lot. We walked in and asked the three guys standing there, clearly anxious to leave, when they closed. "8:00" said the older one. I think the younger ones would have said "we're closed" had the older guy not been there. I said "we can do this in 5 minutes." It was a challenge. We had to get our bodies past the rows of racks of flowers they had pulled together in anticipation of closing. We each picked out a vegetable plant. We just needed one more thing - mulch. I said to D "grab a bag of mulch." Which is what I would have done. Well, there were about 20 varieties of mulch. And D stood there in front of those bags and said "I don't know what to pick." I stood there tapping my foot, knowing the guys who worked there were ready to kill us. D asked the older guy "what works best on vegetables?" and the older guy responded "they will all do fine on vegetables." OK, that would have been the time when I would have checked the prices and grabbed the cheapest bag. Not D. He stood there, looking at each bag.

We finally got out of there. It took more than the 5 minutes; I had prided myself on meeting that deadline.

And then there's the other thing that they say is the number one cause of conflict with couples: finances. If I had my way, we would save every penny. If D had his way, we would spend every penny. Somehow, some way, we have reached a medium that is probably where we should be. If D had to say the words heard most from me during our life together, it would have to be "I don't know how you think we have money for this." Well the ultimate irony happened the other day - we had moved a loan from one bank to another, and the new bank did a credit check and sent us their results. And would you believe D's credit score was higher than mine? The frivolous one gets the better grade?!!! Geez.

Lemonade Cookies

'Tis the season for these tart cookies!

Lemonade Cookies

1 C butter
1 C white sugar
2 eggs
3 C all-purpose sifted flour
1 t baking soda
6 oz can frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
2 T white sugar

Preheat oven to 400. Lightly grease a cookie sheet.

In large bowl, cream together butter and 1 C sugar. Blend in eggs. In a medium bowl, sift together flour and baking soda; gradually beat into butter mixture, alternating with 1/2 C lemonade concentrate. Drop mixture by rounded teaspoons onto the prepared cooking sheet.

Bake 8 minutes, until lightly brown. Brush lightly with remaining lemonade, and sprinkle with remaining sugar.

Tidbits from a Monday

I don't like to complain, but I will. I just don't have much energy. I get up early, go to work, come home and I am dead to the world. Every day I say "I will not take a nap today" but the second I get home, I am hobbling up the steps to my room. I don't know why I get this tired every day. I'm not THAT old. But I guess my body feels old.

Today I got to work and found that our computer system was down. I was able to work in Word and I was able to send and receive emails. But the calls I get require me to log info into the computer system. Usually Monday is the busiest day of the week, but today was not as busy as most. I hate answering the phone and people want me to give them information and I can't. And then, on top of that, the roofers are working on the roof at work. I am on the top floor of our 3 story building, so they are right above my head. I don't know what they're doing up there, but it sounds like they are taking a 2 ton machine and crashing it on the roof and I am filled with anxiety as I wait for the roofers and the machine to come crashing through the roof on my head. I find myself yelling "Jesus" all day long. I wonder if that's a Jewish thing. AND, each time they bang on the roof, these big crumbs of dirt come flying through the ceiling and settle on my desk, my hair, you name it.

So I came home exhausted and fought myself over a nap and thought why am I fighting? I need a nap. But I kept it short, and then I went out with old Pepper the dog to work on the garden. I had my little headphones on with music blasting. Pepper used to follow me to the flower garden and lie down with me there, but she is no longer willing to walk that far. So she stays very close to the house and seems content to occasionally roll in the grass.

I love the fresh air. I love getting lost in dirt and weeds. The way I handle ALL big projects is the same - I chip away at it, bit by bit. So I just picked a small part of the garden, dug, sat on my little kid's chair and took great delight in pulling weeds. I think the older I get, the more I take great joy in mindless activities.

And while I love to cook, lately my goal is to expend the least amount of energy to get dinner on the table. Tonight it was hot dogs. With store purchased cole slaw and potato salad. I am really going downhill. I remember years ago, I went to visit one of our claims offices in another city. There were 2 ladies who worked there. One lady came in and said "I reached the lowest of lows last night." The other lady asked what happened. The first lady said " my husband is out of town, so I made mashed potatoes for dinner and just ate them out of the pan." The other lady asked "were they instant or real?" "Real," the first lady replied. "You didn't reach the lowest of lows," said the second one. And that exchange always amused me, and still keeps me amused, 10+ years later.

After dinner, it was time to just plop on the couch and watch a rerun of Two and a Half Men and then Jeopardy.

And I'm embarrassed to say I'm ready for bed.

Mother's Day 2009

Mother's Day 2009. So many who I am close to have lost their mothers and this is a sad day for them. As I was reading one of my woman's magazines the other day, I saw this Dr Seuss quote: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." And I think it is a fitting quote for those who are missing a mom.

I am lucky enough to have my mother still around. At almost 84, she is like the ever-ready bunny - she keeps on going and going and going. As a matter of fact, she was honored at a lunch on Friday, winning an award for all her volunteer efforts. She has recorded tapes for the blind for many, many years. She is active in a group that makes dolls for the homeless shelters. She makes shawls for women in Somalia, leads a group of women singers that performs at old age homes, works at the food shelter, etc. And she takes care of my dad, who lost his sight years ago.

I give her my food magazines when I'm done looking at them, because she likes to try new recipes - she likes to stay young and try new things. When she invites us for dinner, nothing is simple. There is always a buffet with about 20 items on it. And her garden is just beautiful.

Of her 3 kids, I am told that I look the most like her (only truthfully, if I didn't color my hair, I would have more gray than she does!). I think I inherited from her a need to keep busy. Even when I seem to be relaxing, I am always thinking I should be doing more.

When she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and went through radiation therapy, she made sure she was scheduled for first thing in the morning. She wasn't about to give up a day for radiation therapy! Let it happen and let her begin her day.

She has always been there for her kids and grandkids. She was the emergency contact when my kids were in school, because I knew she would always drop what she was doing and pick up one of my kids if they got sick.

She has held the family reunion at her home for many years. I think no one else wants to be bothered with the responsibility of having those people over. She enjoys doing it.

I am proud of her, for all she has accomplished and for who she is. We are blessed that she is still with us. Happy Mother's Day, mom.

World's Oldest Dog Turns 21

Taken from the N Y Post - the world's oldest dog. I LOVE dachshunds, so I had to put this on here.

Chanel -- named the oldest dog by Guinness World Records last year -- is taking a rare trip from her Port Jefferson Station home to mingle with canine buddies invited to her Manhattan birthday party.

The old girl's red hair faded to white a long time ago. Her cataracts force her to wear special doggie glasses and her bones feel the cold.

Her home is kept at a constant 72 degrees. She eats boiled chicken with whole-wheat pasta, and a specially selected soft treat designed for her ancient teeth.

And she spends her days relaxing at home, only taking walks in the summer.

"She used to run three miles with me every day," said Shaughnessy, a high-school principal's secretary who adopted Chanel from a Virginia shelter as a 6-week-old pup.

"She still enjoys a walk, but now she's carried for a lot of it."

Chanel took the title as the oldest dog last spring when a 28-year-old beagle from Virginia died.

A Brief Glimpse of a Magnolia Tree

Well I've been a bit out of commission lately - mostly because my son Joe, who up until this week, has never studied in his life, has decided to study. Which means he is hogging the computer ALL THE TIME.

But Cousin Deet just sent me this picture that she took when she was in town to see Fiddler, so I had to publish it. If I were halfway competent on this thing, I'd put her blog in as a link, but I'm not, so it's http://themarmeladegypsy.blogspot.com/
Anyway, as anyone who knows magnolias, they are beautiful for just a few days, so we were very lucky to have a magnolia in bloom at the same time our talented photographer was in town.