The Daughter Graduates

Our graduate, Heather Grace - "looking into the future" as my husband describes the pose....

It seems like just yesterday when the hubby, the daughter (Heather) and I went to orientation at Ohio University. We listened to many speeches about what to expect, and advice was given to parents to stop hovering and let their kids go.

And here we were, 4 years later, driving down for graduation.

There is something so exciting about graduations - any kind. This is the biggest one I have ever attended. All the graduates were on the lower level with some overflow in a balcony. I started counting how many were in a row and how many rows there were, and I figured there were about 6,000 kids graduating. I thought geez, add in the speeches and watching each kid walk across the stage, and well, I thought we'd be there all day except there was another graduation scheduled for 4.5 hours after the one we attended.

It started out with people marching out holding flags with names - "College of Business" (which Heather was in), "College of Engineering" etc. And the orchestra played Pomp and Circumstance - I don't know how that became the official graduation tune, but it works. The speeches were great. Something in my head always equates "speech" with "boring." The professional speaking, an alumnus of OU, was very high energy and motivational. The student speaking was quite charming and funny. He was wondering why everyone always says "wait until you get in the real world" and wondered if the world he had been living in for the past 4 years was just a figment of his imagination. Then came the conferring of the degrees. I have never seen such speed and efficiency in my life. There was no walking across the stage. They had kids coming up 3 steps to each side of the stage, at the same time, with the announcer obviously being a speed reader. If you blinked, you missed your kid.

Then it was back to the dilapidated house where we paid way too much in rent money. We had some pieces of furniture to move out. It was about 88 degrees and very humid. The tree lawns nearby were littered with tons of furniture. I walked outside and noticed a guy in a pick-up truck, loading all the furniture into his truck. I thought now that is smart. And that is the business to be in at a college town - pick it up free in June and sell it in August. The guy saw me and asked if I needed help moving. I said YES and he helped move the furniture down the stairs and into our car.

Then it was out to lunch with Heather's good friend and her family.

Then the 3+ hour ride home. As we left beautiful Athens Ohio, my husband said "well I guess we'll never be coming back here again" and honestly, I won't miss that ride.

So now "real life" begins for Heather.

Or it will once she finds a job.

Words from Mother Theresa

"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor...Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting."

An Evening with Regina Brett

A few months ago, our local paper, The Plain Dealer, featured excerpts from a book written by one of its columnists (one of my personal favorites) - Regina Brett. Based on those excerpts, I ordered the book from the library. I am not a big buyer of books. I read them once and I return them. That works for me.

So I got my email from the library that the book had arrived, and I went to get it. Even though I was in the middle of some great trashy magazines (hey, I write technical stuff all day; I'm entitled), I started on this book immediately.

Then my friend Sharon invited me to The Gathering Place to hear Regina speak. What a perfect setting. The Gathering Place in Cleveland is a place for those who have been touched by cancer. In its own words, "the mission of The Gathering Place is to support, educate and empower individuals and families touched by cancer through programs and services provided free of charge. We are proud to recognize our decade of celebrating life."

Sharon recently went for a tour and tried Reiki and plans to go back to try other programs.

We went together last night to hear Regina speak. And what a wonderful evening it was. Regina is a breast cancer survivor, so it was fitting that she would speak at this support center.

A woman in her 50s who looks like she's about 16, Regina has packed a lot into her life. And she chronicles everything in "God Never Blinks - 50 Lessons for Life's Little Detours." The fact that she refers to the events in her life as "little detours" kind of says it all.

Regina describes herself as "one of those broken souls." Raised in a Catholic home with 10 other siblings, she became an unwed mother at age 21 and raised her daughter on her own. She found the love of her life and married him at age 40. At 41, she became ill with breast cancer.

This book describes her journey.

She is a survivor. She could have easily felt sorry for herself, but she didn't. She continued to move forward through every challenge. She talks about the "chemo shower" her friends gave her, giving her hats, scarves and earrings. Every event that could have been a cause for a pity party became a celebration of sorts.

One of my favorite stories in her book was when she decided to create a gift for her husband's 40th birthday by asking 40 of his friends to write a letter to him. "Most of them ended up saying what is most difficult to say in person, what is often never said in person." She presented the collection to him on his birthday. And he said "most people don't ever get to know how people feel about them. This is the kind of stuff they say at your funeral."

Everything about this book and about Regina is a celebration; learning difficult life lessons; understanding that there will always be ups and downs; and knowing things will always get better.

I bought the book for Sharon. And I recommend it to present as a gift to anyone who is going through rough times.

Delicious Dessert - Berry Tart

Berry Tart

1 C crushed ginger snap cookies (about 20 cookies)
3/4 C crushed vanilla wafers (about 25 wafers)
1/4 C finely chopped walnuts
1/3 C butter, melted
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1 3/4 C white grape juice
1 8 oz pkg cream cheese, softened
1/4 C sugar
1 t vanilla
2.5 C fresh blueberries (I used less)
1.5 C sliced fresh strawberries (I used more)

Combine the cookie crumbs, walnuts and butter. Press onto bottom and 1.5 inch up sides of a greased 9 inch springform pan.

Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes or until set. Cool on a wire rack.

In a small saucepan, sprinkle gelatin over grape juice; let stand for 1 minute. Heat over low heat, stirring until gelatin is completely dissolved. Cover and refrigerate until partially set (about 45 minutes).

Meanwhile, in large bowl, beat the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla until smooth. Spread over crust.

Place berries in a large bowl. Gently stir in gelatin mixture (I didn't use all of it). Spoon over cream cheese layer. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving. Carefully run a knife around edge of pan to loosen. Remove sides of pan

Thoughts on Welcome to Holland

When we were going through the very difficult child-raising years, I came across something that forced me to view life in a new way. It was called Welcome to Holland.

http://www.creativeparents.com/Holland.html

The gist of this wonderfully simple piece is that we don't plan to have a child with disabilities, but when it happens, we need to look at that child in a new way. Some of the words have resonated with me for 10+ years:

... you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met....

I did learn a new language. Most of my free time was spent reading books and getting information online. I met wonderful, kind, giving people who I would not have met were it not for these circumstances. I learned what is important and what is not.

Our son, at age 20, is doing much better than we ever hoped or expected.

And those words continue to stick with me. And I realized they apply to much more than a child with issues. They apply to any major difficulties anyone experiences. To me, those words are a key to survival when life gets really tough.

And so when my best friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer asked me to go with her to a class teaching how to apply make-up for cancer patients, I thought this will be fun. As I tend to do, I connected what she is going through with the Welcome to Holland piece. As a healthy middle-aged woman, she didn't expect to be going for days of testing, chemotherapy, or spending a few days in a hospital with a low blood count.

But she will learn the language, and she will meet special people.

And I will be there too.

And we will have fun, like we always have.

Bonnie Becomes a BON

I am honored to be selected as a feature blogger of Words of Wisdom (WOW). Please check it out:

http://www.ourwisdomofwords.blogspot.com/

WOW, in its own words, is a support site for blogs of substance. Mmmm. I never thought of my blog as a blog of substance and I've actually given up trying to define what it is about. Sometimes it's better not to over-analyze these things. When I feel like writing, I write. And it might be a while between posts. If I have nothing to say, there's no post.

I love the concept of this site and I look forward to finding interesting new blogs to follow. It was created at the perfect time for me, since it seems that several of the blogs I've been faithfully following have abruptly decided to end. And I'm the type of person (nosy) who needs to know what happened! So if I start to follow your life and suddenly you say "I'm done" - well, I won't be happy about it!

I will admit that I found the acronym BON (Blogger of Note) to be very amusing. You see, as a Bonnie, when Sandy emailed me with the subject line "BON" I thought she was being especially friendly to me!

I have been blogging for 1.5 years now. I am a Compliance Officer at my job (in employee benefits) and I do a lot of technical writing, and let me tell you, it doesn't get any more boring than that. I have always enjoyed writing, and found it to be quite refreshing to write whatever comes to me and have people actually read it! My husband's cousin got me into it - she is much more creative than I am, but we both agreed that once you start blogging, you seem to view everything in your life in a new way and think to yourself "oh now THAT would make a good blog post!"

I tend to find the humor in things. Even in things that aren't funny. I am known for laughing at the most inopportune times, and when that happens, I usually can't stop.

As a Cancer, I love my home. I would be quite content to never leave it. I am mom to an almost 22 year old daughter and a 20 year old son. My husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary this September. And I am a loving mama to a 15 year old dog and 3 cats. I can't imagine my life without these animals hanging around.

My friends are very important to me and I would describe myself as a loyal person.

Finding my favorite posts was kind of a fun adventure. I did not realize I had written so much! But here they are:

http://mamaksblog.blogspot.com/2009/10/friend-for-few-seasons.html

This blog was meaningful to me because (1) friendships are so important to me; and (2) it touched on what we went through when my son was younger. It was not a fun time.

http://mamaksblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/water-aerobics-for-people-like-me.html

This is kind of how I see life. Most things are amusing to me. And while my water aerobics days are over ( just too painful to get into a bathing suit), it was fun while it lasted.

And finally

http://mamaksblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/pepper-is-15-today.html

A tribute to my wonderful dog, Pepper. I admit that the first thing I do every morning is make sure she's still breathing. It's getting harder for her to get around. She is one of the great loves of my life.

In closing, I want to wish a happy birthday to my oldest cat, Bing Krauss, who turns 11 on 3/26/10.



In final closing, here are the kids (there will be no pix of moi, because the last good picture taken of me was taken 30 years ago):

Back Home to Reality

I have been chided for not writing.

I have not felt like writing. I didn't know how to put down in writing what has been happening. But I will give it my best.

We had a wonderful trip to Florida. Spent the first night in Tampa with an old friend who goes all the way back to junior high. We hung out and went to an Irish pub where the 3 of us were a team in a trivia game. Thankfully, my husband and my friend are much better at trivia than me. I have forgotten pretty much everything I know. I'm a perfect specimen of a menopausal woman. My brain has pretty much left my body.

We spent night 2 with my old boyfriend. We were together for about 6 or 7 years, starting in our college days. We keep in touch very occasionally. When I told him we were coming down, he said he and his wife wanted to take us to dinner, and we were welcome to stay there. It was nice meeting the wife of over 25 years, and spending time with them.

The remainder of the trip we stayed at my husband's old high school friend's condo. He was happy to have us, we were happy to be there, and it was very relaxing.

I had been very nervous about leaving my 20 year old son home alone with the 15 year old dog and 3 cats. I thought I'd be a wreck the whole trip. But it was quite the opposite. It was like living in a fairy tale world for one week. Now I know why people take vacations. It is very, very nice to live with no stress, if only for a short week.

Upon arriving home, our fairy tale world ended. First we walked into the house to find clear signs of a party that had taken place. I wasn't surprised; my son admitted to me on the phone that he had one. I just wasn't prepared for the mess that awaited us.

He also never brought the garbage can in, and there was a nice letter from our city telling us we are in violation of whatever code for leaving it out. The letter even included a nice picture of our house with a picture of the garbage can on the treelawn.

Then came the call. My friend from the beginning of time - we lived 3 doors away when we were born and have therefore been friends for 52 years - was diagnosed with cancer. She had an ultrasound and the tech brought in 2 doctors, who both looked at the ultrasound and stated it was cancer. I thought well they must be wrong; who diagnoses cancer without a biopsy? Yet what kind of doctor says "it's cancer" without really knowing it's cancer?

We have always enjoyed doing dumb stuff together, and laughing at everything. Yes, she has been the subject of many of my posts. Going to see Deepak Chopra and laughing hysterically through the whole thing. Going to garage sales. Doing queer stuff that would not be fun with anyone else. I always expected that we'd be doing this together through our 80s. I could not picture growing old without her.

Then came the days of tests and the horrendous wait for results - did it spread?

That news was as good as it could be. The cancer was contained to a breast. She will start chemo soon. After 6 months of chemo comes surgery. I had never heard of that order, but apparently that's how they do it.

I guess 52 doesn't seem that young if you look at it objectively. But no matter what age we are, we will always view ourselves as being young, even though our bodies and are minds are starting to go.

The next year will be a hard one. But the news could have been a lot worse.

So, that's what's been going on. The ups and downs of life, in the span of a few weeks.