(written by The Husband)
’Twas two weeks before Christmas, when all through Krauss House
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings weren’t hung by the chimney with care,
Too much junk prevented us reaching up there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Nursing the hangovers pounding their heads.
Heather had “tried” to find a temp job,
But settled instead for becoming a blob.
Joe had four finals in his college classes;
We hope he wakes up so there’s a chance that he passes.
Bonnie had long before risen from bed,
And was hard at work to earn us some bread.
She took a quick break to tell David he’d better
Get off his ass and write the newsletter.
He sprang from the bed to answer her call,
Stubbing his toe, cursing, “Damn it all!”
He saw it was she on the caller ID;
She’d just have to wait, ’cause he had to pee.
“I’ll call her right back, as soon as I can,”
He thought to himself as he went to the can.
“I know why she’s calling,” he thought with regret;
“It’s the damn newsletter I haven’t done yet.”
He sat at the keyboard with his writer’s block;
Staring in space, watching the clock.
“What can I write?” he thought, with great desperation;
“I need some help, I need inspiration.”
Suddenly to his wondering brain did appear,
An idea of how to recap our year.
“I’ve got it,” he yelled, “I’ll poeticize!
And the best way to do so is to plagiarize!”
So David was able to call back his spouse,
And tell her he’d written about our fine house.
The best thing of all, as it’s now just past noon;
Is that finally he has run out of room.
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”