Well, for anyone who read my blog 3 months ago, you might remember that I had a brainstorm right before my last doctor's visit - I brought some home-made ginger snaps to my doc, had my usual weigh-in (and it wasn't good) and when he walked into the office, I held out the bag of cookies and said "these freshly baked cookies are yours if you don't comment on my weight." And he said "deal!" and hell, it was an easy office visit.
Well tomorrow is my next visit, and I swear every time I go to the doctor, I say ok, I WILL lose weight by my next visit. And then life happens, and life brings stress, and for me, stress means extra eating. It didn't help that last night we went to my sister's house for my nephew's birthday party and she had made her amazing oatmeal cookies. No one makes oatmeal cookies like Laurie. And while I had vowed to work really hard this week before the appointment, we ended up sitting around the table, sipping herbal tea, and my sister-in-law and I did the take-a-little-piece-of-cookie-and-keep-doing-that-and well, soon it isn't a little piece anymore.
And then my friend Boston Ellen, who has given me great recipes over the years, mentioned the other day she was making a chicken noodle casserole. Ooooh, I said, that sounds good. So she gave me the recipe. And it was easy. I assembled it yesterday, and today all I had to do was come home and put it in the oven. I thought ok, I will take one helping and then remove myself from the table. One more failure. We sat around with the noodle casserole and fresh italian bread and even skinny Heather took multiple portions. Thanks a lot, Ellen.
And having resigned myself to having a bad outcome tomorrow, I lowered myself to the last resort - I baked a lemon blueberry bread, and wrapped a few pieces for the doc. I told Marsha at work what I was doing, and she said "you're baking for him again? It's not even a holiday!" And I'm thinking "duh, Marsha, I don't bake for him because it's a holiday; I do it to lessen my guilt by silencing him!"
And since I knew I had blown it, and I was tired and the house is a mess and we have a houseful of people coming over tomorrow night to celebrate Heather's 21st birthday, I really did myself in. I ate spicy jelly beans as I watched House.
I am hopeless.